"I'm going to make this hair my bitch."

If you're not into the frivolous chatter of a girl on the topic of hair, this post's not for you. I had a shit day and I don't feel up to delving in at the moment, so I've decided to finish this post I've had on the back burner for too long.

In my constant need for change mixed with my generation's expectation of quick fixes for everything leaves me fairly limited in my options when stagnancy settles in. In a perfect word, I could just get into a car and drive wherever I feel like, or completely overhaul my wardrobe. Unfortunately, a perfect world requires money which I, being a single woman determined to live on her own, rarely have an excess of. That's why I fuck with my hair so much. 

I remember how much of a struggle it was to get my mother to let me cut my hair short - she wasn't having any of it. I begged, bargained and put chewing gum on my head to no avail. The summer before I turned 15 I went to Ontario to visit family and, because I had no parental supervision, I chopped my then elbow-length hair right off. When I got home with hair cut just below my chin, my mother nearly fainted and I experienced my first rush of transformation. I never looked back.

With the help of the Internet, I've taken to experimenting on myself over the last year - mainly because of the Big "Bad" Breakup. D used to love my hair, provided it stuck to his idea of pretty. Mid-length, strait, and dark. So when we split, I developed a compulsion to succumb to whatever fleeting fancy I had and fuck with my hair. I let it grow like mad. I learned how to cut my own hair and gave myself blunt bangs. I tried my hand (with no great success) at the ombr√© trend and then hid away my hair drier and hot tools to embrace my natural curly(ish) texture.

Most recently, just to see what would happen, I've gotten on the "no 'poo" train and given up using shampoo... Don't judge! I know it sounds gross, but that's just because when I say I stopped shampooing my hair, you thought I meant I stopped washing it. Not so. Although it's been over 5 weeks since the last time a drop of chemical laden shampoo has touched my head, I still wash my locks quite frequently, usually with baking soda and apple cider vinegar. A surprisingly successful endeavor, all things considered.

I think the reason that I feel the need to keep finding new things to do with my hair is a matter of control. Sometimes, it feels like there's so little I have a handle on it drives me bonkers. I can seem to find balance, I struggle constantly with money, I have zero luck romantically... it feels nice to be able to make a swift and significant change to any aspect of my life at this point. I think to myself "I may not be able to get a grip on the rest of this train-wreck I call life, but goddammit, I'm going to make this hair my bitch."

Refreshing, really.


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